


a curse and a blessing

by apimhwa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Childhood Friends, Fluff, Gen, Growing Up Together, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Hurt/Comfort, Kageyama Tobio is a Mess, M/M, Minor Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Sad, Supernatural Elements, The Author Regrets Everything, i’m really sorry, like really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28340160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apimhwa/pseuds/apimhwa
Summary: kageyama tobio is a kid, that spends a lot of time in his own head. one day, he meets hinata shoyo, a small, orange-haired boy, who turns his world upside down.the only problem is, that no one can see hinata, besides kageyama.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Comments: 13
Kudos: 37





	a curse and a blessing

once in a while, kageyama sees a spark of orange flashing through his room.

he first took note of it whilst playing with his childhood friend, the warm sun shining through his window and casting it's light upon the dust swirling through the small place. birds were chirping outside, little kids crying and older kids running on the long, dry streets. a hot, yet enjoyable summer was announced by several meteorologists, causing for happiness within the people. winter had been depressingly grey and cold, so it was nice to have some illumination cast upon the planet. 

kageyama tobio couldn't care less about weather though, currently sitting on the floor and trying to figure out what it took, to put the missing lego pieces together. trying not to get frustrated, he looked over to tsukishima, taking a glance at what exactly the other was doing and tried to copy it. tsukishima was incredibly smart after all, praised by the kindergarten teachers at every chance and he was told to be 'promising'. whatever that meant, kageyama wasn't familiar with expressions like these, so he shrugged it off. 

his tower didn't look as cool as tsukishima's, he knew that for sure. maybe, because he wasn't as promising or smart, or his lack of patience was the cause for it. kageyama shook his head angrily, close to pushing everything apart again, back to where he had started, his tiny hands shaking as he touched the pieces. but then there was the a flash of orange.

he probably wouldn't have seen it, if he wouldn't have looked up. it was gone after a few milliseconds, a soft, bright color and kageyama stared at tsukishima, who was left unbothered.

"did you see that?", kageyama asked him, the blonde seemingly surprised by the broken silence. they didn't talk as much as other kids, simply living off each other's presence and it didn't bother kageyama the least. tsukishima's face was painted with confusion and he raised his eyebrows. 

"what do you mean?", he replied, looking around and back to kageyama, who was starting to feel stupid, because he was for sure just imagining things. some kind of reflection, must be the explanation. kageyama shook his head, black hair framing his childlike features. 

"nothing.", he said, eyes still not leaving the spot where he'd seen the nice color, that reminded him of carrots and tangerines. he started to feel hungry, all of sudden. "do you want to eat something?"

before leaving his room, he looked back again, to be completely sure that there really wasn't anything. a few seconds of silence passed and he closed the door. 

kageyama quickly figured out, that he wasn't one for school.

first grade wasn't fun, at all. how was he supposed to be good at all subjects, what were the teachers thinking? often, he found himself slipping away, far away, from the obnoxious voice of his mentors and was caught off guard when he was asked a question. kageyama preferred to move around, finding a joy in any type of game that required to push a ball into a goal. he liked the sound of feet against the football court better, than the thick air of the classroom.

his mother never forgot to tell him, that he was 'in his own world', a lot. she always wore a pained expression when she told him, even though kageyama thought that it sounded amazing. he'd give a lot to have a world just for his own, where he could do whatever he wanted, without any adults. just like neverland, where the children never grew up, kageyama would just have to believe in something for it to come true.

how awesome that'd be. kageyama sighed, chin rested on his blanket and staring at the globe his father had gotten him a few weeks ago. he knew where japan was now, surprised by the shape and size of it. for a long time, kageyama hadn't thought that there were other countries beside japan. pretty dumb, he soon realized, after spinning the orb around a couple of times, seeing the many names written over pieces of land. 

he didn't find neverland. kageyama was convinced that the creator of his globe had just forgotten it, just like he forgot some things sometimes.

kageyama stood up from his bed and started looking at the place he was supposed to be at right now. pretty small, in comparison to everything else. his father had told him, that this was the view astronauts had from space and kageyama's face lit up. space was exciting after all, he'd heard that it was supposed to be endless. he turned around with his spin-chair and a squeaking sound left his lips.

a boy was sitting in front of him.

he stared back at him with shock in his huge, brown doe-eyes, legs criss-crossed in front of him, hugging both of them close to his small body. hair encircled his face, hair so orange and bright that kageyama thought he was staring at a sunrise. the boy didn't move and neither did kageyama. he didn't know how to react and asked himself why important stuff like this wasn't taught at school. there was an orange-haired boy sitting in his room, seemingly lost and never had kageyama heard that something like this was normal.

after a few minutes of silence, kageyama cleared his throat and the boy's eyes got even wider, as if surprised that he was still able to see him. he scooted away from kageyama, but the other boy didn't shy away from finally talking.

"how'd you get here?", kageyama asked, voice filled with curiosity. the ginger pouted and stared up at kageyama through his fringe. 

"i don't know.", he answered, moving around with his feet on the floor. kageyama noticed that he liked to move around a lot and it was starting to get on his nerves. the unusable explanation also annoyed him and kageyama was close to thinking that this was just a weird dream. but, he quickly shut the thought out. he'd seen something orange in his room before, last summer and it was the exact shade of the boy's hair, who was now starting to wiggle around and examine kageyama's room.

"then, who are you?", kageyama continued with the question, because this whole situation wasn't adding up. his head started to ache and he grimaced, his eyes never leaving the other. sun was shining on his face, golden light, reminding him that it was fall outside. he didn't know what he was doing, kids his age were supposed to be outside, weren't they? and here he was, talking to someone in his room, who he didn't know anything about.

the boy's face lit up at this question.

"that i know!", he yelled excitedly, jumping around and kageyama wanted to tell him, that he should be quiet or his parents would come in otherwise, but was interrupted. "i'm hinata shoyo.

a grin was placed on his face and kageyama couldn't look away suddenly. he hadn't been able to do so the whole time, but now he came to a realization he found himself blushing at. 

kageyama found hinata really pretty. he wasn't pretty like the girls in his class, no hinata was actually even prettier. many people often asked him about his opinion on other's, especially the friends he had in school and sometimes even tsukishima, mostly directed at girls. often they wanted to know, who he found cute and kageyama never knew what to say, because in all honesty, he'd never thought about something like that before. but he knew, what it meant now, to find someone cute.

kageyama flinched, as hinata suddenly moved towards him abruptly, noticing a spark in his brown eyes. 

"how about you?", hinata laughed and stretched his arms. in that moment, kageyama knew that hinata was real, because how couldn't he, with him acting so much like a human. at first, kageyama believed, that hinata might have been a fairy of some sorts, but there was no way he could be. fairies had wings and hinata didn't. it was as easy as that. he couldn't be an angel either then and mermaids had to swim to survive, right? there was a hand waving in front of his face and he realized that he must've spaced out again. "you still there?"

"kageyama tobio.", he mumbled, looking down at his feet embarrassed. hinata nodded and began to walk around, looking at every corner, as if he'd never seen a room before. kageyama watched him and noted that hinata was short. he grinned, because what would he have done, if hinata would've been taller than him? not many people were, one thing he liked about himself and it scared him when someone looked down on him, leaving him with the feeling that he was a frog. 

hinata seemed to take note of his scheming face and looked at him interested, stopping the investigation of kageyama's closet.

"what's so funny?", he wondered and kageyama didn't know if he should tell him. they didn't even know anything about each other, beside their names and maybe hinata would disappear again. before he could stop himself though, the words stumbled out. 

"you're short"

the silence that followed was somewhat challenging and hinata looked as if he wanted to start a fight. kageyama kept a straight face, crossing his arms over his chest and stood up from his stool. now that he was standing in front of hinata, he realized that the other smelled good, too. like tangerines and carrots and fresh clothes. seemingly unbothered by kageyama's height, hinata stuck out his tongue and kicked kageyama's knee. 

"and?", he was yelling again, something he definitely liked to do and kageyama was starting to get anxious. what would his parents think, if they found hinata in his room, a person he knew for approximately half an hour. hinata wasn't going to let anyone talk over him, though. "so what if i'm short? i can fit in places you'd never reach and i can run way faster than you! there's nothing good about being tall, anyway."

that was the last straw, kageyama thought, face darkening and he grabbed hinata's white shirt and started shaking him, all of his fear for new people suddenly lost. 

"it's great to be tall!", he exclaimed and continued shaking the other, as if that would solve the conflict and make hinata come to his senses. "i'm gonna grow a lot, you know and i'll be able to reach all the drawers and cupboards and play volleyball!"

hinata grinned at him and for some reason it provoked kageyama endlessly. he stopped with the shaking and let go of the ginger. 

"prove it to me!", hinata jumped around once again and kageyama was thinking of something good to reply, to sum up all the annoyance and exhaustion he was feeling. 

"i will.", was the only thing he managed to get out. pressing his lips together, kageyama felt like this was a promise, not only to hinata, but also to himself.

"

kageyama did grow.

after finishing elementary school, he was already the tallest in his new class and it made him proud. a stupid thing to be proud over, since it had to do with genetics, as his mother explained to him one evening, but this prove that he'd been right. kageyama was able to almost reach all of the cupboards now, drawers became an easy task. 

and he started with volleyball. there hadn't been a particular reason as to why he'd told hinata that he'd play volleyball, back then when they first met, but after watching a few matches on tv, kageyama yearned to start practicing at once and his parents agreed to let him join a club when he'd enter middle school. it quickly became one of the best things in his life, playing volleyball with other people and the praises he got from everyone around him, calling him a genius and gifted with an inhuman amount of talent, raised his confidence. 

hinata was still there.

hinata, had actually never left him, since that one day in fall, since kageyama had first seen him. 

and hinata grew too. of course, he never got as tall as kageyama, but he always told him that he wasn't a dwarf, he'd gotten taller by one centimeter! and then kageyama would say, that he'd gotten taller by five centimeters and they'd start bickering, like they always did.

ever since that one fight, barely a few minutes after their worlds collided, hinata and kageyama had a silent agreement. at least that's what kageyama believes and he didn't know how it was for hinata, he never did. no matter what happened, they'd stay together. they fought so many times, over anything and many times kageyama felt scared, so scared, that hinata would never come back to him. but, the other never left. only at night, when kageyama slept, he felt that hinata wasn't there. he had no clue where he was going then, but everything was okay, as long as he'd be there once he woke up.

another thing, they never talked about, was that hinata couldn't be seen by other people.

the first time kageyama noticed that, was when his mother had stormed in, a few days after their first encounter, distraught by the loud noise coming out of his room, caused by kageyama running after hinata, trying to tackle him. both of them tensed, because none of them had any idea how to explain this mess. after hinata had simplified many times, that he didn't know where he came from, that he couldn't remember anything to be exact, kageyama stopped thinking about it. it didn't do them any good.

his mother only stared at kageyama though, who was right next to hinata. her eyes were focused on him, as if there weren't another person in the room. kageyama's heart beat faster than ever before and cold sweat was dropping down his back. there wasn't any logical explanation for this. hinata was human, he could see him, so why didn't his mum?

"what are you doing here, kageyama?", she asked, concern in her voice, as she saw the face of her son getting sickening pale. he felt hinata's breath in his neck, the body warmth radiating off him and heard him make a startled sound. she remained unbothered. "are you alright?"

he nodded quickly, gulping harshly and smiled at her softly, trying to calm her down. 

"i was just chasing after a wasp.", he managed to push out and her face relaxed. "it flew in through my window, but it's outside now."

to prove his point, he looked over to the thankfully opened window. she returned his smile and left the room.

kageyama turned to look at hinata, only to find him staring back at him. a thousand of questions were buzzing in his head, so many things he didn't understand about him. why was he the only one who could see hinata shoyo? and, why didn't he remember anything about what happened before he met kageyama? 

hinata looked just as confused, yet relieved and let out a breath he'd been holding. with a small, uncertain smile, he looked up to kageyama, who couldn't help but return it. what else, was he supposed to do?

many things were left unspoken between them.

but they still talked. 

hinata was kageyama's best friend. after a few months, it became easy to say that without a doubt. nothing was funnier, than to go outside and race against each other, run through the forest, to explore things that weren't meant for them, laying on fields for hours, until the sun let it's last light shine upon them. to sit on swings, competing who'd fly higher and jump further, climbing trees and walking for what felt a lifetime. nothing kageyama did, was without hinata.

and he didn't have anything against it.

hinata and kageyama were different in every single thing they did. from appearance to their personalities, no matter what they did, they always had different opinions on things. not once, had kageyama been able to convince hinata of something that seemed smart, because hinata was both too stubborn and an expert on thinking on his own. he managed to form an opinion on things in a span of seconds.

hinata preferred day over night. kageyama liked trees more than flowers. hinata would never kill a fly, kageyama would without a single thought. differences over differences pushed between them, yet they weren't separable. 

and of course, that brought up questions. 

hinata never followed him to school. just like he never stayed with kageyama at night, he'd told him that it wasn't a place he'd want to be at. hinata told him, that he went outside during that time, or watches something on tv, or simply does anything he wants. kageyama quickly adapted to these hours without hinata, even though it was hard at first. he got a few glances, when he yelled the ginger's name every time someone jumped into him, so used to being pushed by the boy.

his parents were suspicious at his behaviour, at first. often they asked him what he was doing outside for so long, given he didn't have any siblings he could've played with. kageyama told him that he'd been spending his time with some friends, which wasn't a lie, after all. they stopped asking after a few weeks, something that calmed kageyama down a lot. 

there were so many obstacles with having a friend that no one saw. when tsukishima came over, kageyama would tell hinata that they couldn't play together and it hurt him to see the pained expression on his best friend's face, when he was having fun with somebody else. hinata never complained, not a single time, but over the years with him by his side, kageyama had learned to empathize. so he thought about what he'd do if he were hinata. to see him playing with someone that wasn't him, made him sad and furious. 

tsukishima didn't come over as often anymore.

spending your childhood with someone that only you were able to see, to talk to, made it easier to open up about things. kageyama knew that hinata couldn't tell anyone about his deepest secrets, causing him to tell him every single thing on his mind. hinata often just listened, brown eyes staring up at the sky or ceiling, depending on where they were. he didn't need to say anything, in kageyama's opinion listening was just enough. but hinata tried to help him, with all of the problems in his life, giving him advice and making him feel safe.

one day, they were sitting on the swings, not a single soul around. kageyama noticed that hinata was being unusually quiet, the shoes he'd given to him brushing against the sand and head hung low. it stung to see the happiest person he knew, so out of their behaviour. right then, kageyama once again realized that hinata was human too.

"is everything alright?", he asked softly, trying to intimate the tone hinata used with him when he was sad. it only worked partly. hinata didn't look at him and it bothered kageyama more than he thought it would. he was thinking of something he might've done wrong, maybe he'd hit him too hard during one of their fights or he'd said something too mean, but his chain of thoughts was disturbed by hinata's voice. 

"kageyama?", he asked, starting to swing again, wind in his hair, hands gripping the iron of the chains holding his weight up. kageyama would like to know if other people saw the swinging. he hummed, giving hinata the sign that he was listening and stared at him attentively. 

"why do you think, other people can't see me?"

kageyama's heart stopped and so did hinata's swing. he wasn't ready for this type of question, not sure if he'd ever be. he had no idea what to say and deep self-hatred licked against his spine. hinata always helped him, always had the perfect answer, the perfect words for him. and kageyama was just a lost case, because it was so hard to think of something comforting and logical in such a short period of time. 

"does it bother you?", he then asked, actively watching the ginger. hinata didn't blink, probably thinking just as much as kageyama did. then he finally looked back at him.

"no.", he said and shook his head, as if to clarify. deep relief flooded through kageyama and his heart started beating lighter. he was happy that hinata didn't mind and took a deep breath. "but, i'd like to know why. you can talk to other's and they see you and you're so real and alive. you're the only one that can truly see and hear me and sometimes i'm scared that i don't exist."

like a punch to the face. 

the thing was, hinata had every right to be scared. everyone would have been, if they were in his place. but still, kageyama had never felt such deep sorrow in a person's words. hinata was his favorite person, the one he'd nearly known all his life. he didn't like to see him like this.

kageyama got up from his swing. his figure casted a deep shadow on hinata and he felt brown eyes watching him. a bit awkwardly, kageyama took hinata's hand.

it was warm and soft and kageyama gripped it tight. his gaze never turned away from hinata's face and he patted his head, way more tenderly than he normally would, not gripping and pulling, but cherishing hinata's presence. 

"look.", he choked out, because a lump had suddenly appeared in his throat and kageyama was very mad at it, because it ruined the moment. "i can feel you. it doesn't matter that other people can't, as long as i can, you're alive and real and you very much exist, do you understand?"

hinata nodded eagerly and threw himself into kageyama's arms, something he only did when he saw that kageyama wasn't feeling well. there was the proof, that he did exist. hinata lived and as long as kageyama believed, they'd keep their promise and stay together forever.

he'd never stop believing.

life went on. 

kageyama was now in highschool. he reached every cupboard in the house and was a setter for the karasuno volleyball team. he often failed exams, but that didn't matter, they told him, because he'd become an athlete. kageyama was glad, since that was all he wanted for his future. 

now, his mum had told him after he'd passed the welcoming ceremony, he was nearly an adult. this is the last stage, his father grinned and everyone around him was happy for him. they didn't notice how much it scared kageyama, that everyone kept on telling him that his childhood was coming to an end, this beautiful, ethereal part of his short life. just because he entered highschool, didn't mean that he wasn't a child anymore. just because he had lost the last of his childlike features, looking what they called 'handsome' now , didn't mean that he'd simply take it as that.

even hinata looked older. his face was round and he had a button nose, hair as orange as ever and every time he smiled, white teeth appeared. he'd stopped growing at one point and held several tantrums over it, screaming that life was mean and he wanted to be tall. kageyama had thought back to the time, he said that there wasn't anything good about being tall. he'd smiled fondly.

hinata was the prettiest person kageyama ever knew. in his opinion, no one came close to him and there were many times he wanted to tell him just that. hinata was the definition of life and he was beautiful, making kageyama think that nothing could come closer to perfection than hinata shoyo. 

the way he'd slap kageyama every time the other teased him, how the huge doe eyes, that had remained as big over the years, widened at new things he saw, the sun on his face, making him shine just as bright. all the things that made kageyama tobio fall in love.

everything changed, even his feelings for hinata. he didn't know what to do with himself at first, if he should tell hinata or not. he came to the conclusion that it was selfish to tell the ginger, because he didn't want to make things weird between them. 

hinata had never mentioned anything about being invisible to other people again. kageyama didn't let him think about it, at least he hoped so. ever since that day, he'd tried his best to listen to every concern hinata had, no matter how small. he bought him ice cream, ignoring the weird looks he got for ordering two, even if there was just one person. he got him new clothes that he liked, his mother visibly confused as to why they were three sizes smaller, than his usual clothes were. he listened to music he hated more than anything, played games even though he sucked at them and begged his parents to get a cat, but not because he desperately wanted one, no, so hinata had company when he was gone.

it still felt, like he wasn't doing enough, to prove hinata how much he meant to him.

they were laying on the flat roof of their home. 

it was hinata's home too, he'd lived here for the past ten years. a crazy amount of time, in kageyama's opinon and it had passed so quickly. hinata had told him, that it had felt like an eternity.

both of them were covered with blankets, because the summer nights were cold this year. it was finally getting dark and the stars that were hidden normally, were shining bright. thousands of dead lights, that they were looking up to. hinata was breathing softly next to him. kageyama turned to look at him and felt his heart beating faster. 

"you remind me of that one.", hinata suddenly giggled, pointing up to one of the many stars. kageyama tried to follow his gaze, but there were just too many. he scooted closer to hinata, trying to ignore the way his skin tingled at their bodies touching. he had no clue which one hinata meant. 

"you idiot, there are too many.", he said and shook his head. hinata sighed and then he grabbed his hand. kageyama might as well just explode. hinata's hand was always a comforting source of warmth, just like the rest of his body. hinata guided him over the night sky, led him over the countless, endless galaxies and stopped at a dim spot. "that's you."

kageyama didn't know what to say. he observed it and didn't even have a single thought left. the star wasn't bright. it was near so many other's and didn't stand out. but hinata was right, it did remind him of himself. 

"it's not that you're not shining or anything.", hinata murmured, voice low and he seemed flustered. "you just don't need any spotlight to do so."

for a long time, none of them said anything. hinata's head rested on kageyama's shoulder and for some reason, they still held hands. 

"dumbass.", hinata pouted and slapped kageyama's head, which earned him a punch to the shoulder. 

"what was that for?", kageyama hissed, rubbing his aching skull. one shouldn't underestimate hinata's strength.

"you're supposed to search one for me too!"

kageyama looked up as if he was already searching for one. in reality, he was panicking. it needed to be pretty, that was for sure. bright, too and surrounded by some other's. hinata would be loved by so many, if he'd be seen. he eliminated many stars that night, never thinking of hinata while looking at them. the ginger never interrupted him.

"that one", he whispered, taking hinata's hand and guiding him just like he'd done to him. he felt hinata shiver next to him and nuzzled his cheek to keep him warm. 

"it's pretty.", hinata said happily and looked at kageyama amazed. staring back at his star, a deep frown appeared on hinata's face. "why're they so far apart, though?"

kageyama wanted to cry.

it was true, they seemed to be decades away from each other and he wouldn't even have noticed if hinata wouldn't have pointed it out. there was not even a reason to be sad about it, because they were just stars. but thinking that they were supposed to represent hinata and him, made it hard to breathe. they were right next to each other, there was no reason to panic.

"it doesn't matter!", hinata smiled, probably having noticed kageyama's discomfort. he traced a pattern into kageyama's hand and the world must've stopped right there. 

everything was perfect. 

"we'll always be together, right?", kageyama uttered, voice shaky and hinata stopped with his movements. 

it wasn't like they hadn't asked each other before. as kids, it had been normal to say these words at least once a month, another promise to keep. kageyama was normally the one who answered, because hinata had always used these kind of questions to startle kageyama. he probably never noticed it.

"of course we will."

hinata had taken too long to reply. 

"i'll never leave you."

"have you ever seen something, that only you could see?"

the question was out, before kageyama could think of it. he was sitting on tsukishima's bed, the blonde placed in front of him, looking at him surprised. it had been a long time since they last met at each other's houses, because of school and many other reasons, kageyama didn't want to think about. but he'd taken the opportunity to see him again, since tsukishima wasn't one to invite someone over just like that. 

and then, kageyama's stupid, stupid brain had thought of a genius idea. what if he asked someone smart, like tsukishima for their opinion. maybe, there was some light at the end of the tunnel, maybe there was a way hinata could live a normal life. 

"what?", tsukishima asked, confusion plastered on his face and kageyama started to shift around nervously. he felt so stupid.

"it's just.", he felt his hands tremble. "i saw a movie last night. and there was someone who made a friend."

tsukishima nodded, giving him a look that told kageyama to move on. 

"and the friend wasn't seen by other's. you know, the only person who was able to see him, was the child.", the lies slipped of his tongue so easily and he wanted to ramble, he wanted to tell someone about hinata. but he needed to wait for tsukishima's response, what he thought about people that were like that, people like him.

"kageyama.", tsukishima sighed and a bad feeling was starting to build up in his abdomen. "you mean imaginary friends, right?"

he nodded hesitantly, even though hinata was more than that. hinata lived, he was sure of it.

"i'm sure that's just a coping mechanism.", tsukishima scratched his head and his eyes were captivating kageyama, who was taking up every word like a sponge. "if you feel lonely, you start to create your own friend. i don't believe in things i can't see, kageyama. they don't make any sense, at all and people like that boy need help if their 'friend' doesn't dissapear on their own." 

he shouldn't have asked, ever. red, blinding anger was stumbling up his airway and kageyama wanted to scream at tsukishima, for being so stupid, to say that hinata needed to dissapear. he didn't know anything about him, no one but kageyama did and it was like an open stab wound, weakening his entire body. 

"i also believe.", tsukishima continued and it sounded like he was under water and kageyama wanted him to stop, to stop talking, forever. "that it makes people lonely. you start to isolate yourself and loose everyone around you. kageyama, i know that you probably have a different opinion, but that isn't a real friendship."

everything collapsed. 

biting down every remark he could think of, kageyama nodded and pressed a smile on his face. 

how wrong tsukishima was.

graduation was supposed to be nice.

you're meant to celebrate, to be happy and drink lots. but for kageyama, it was the worst day, of his life.

after returning home, hinata wasn't sitting on his bed, like he usually did, which was weird, because he'd been so excited in the morning, telling kageyama over and over again how proud he was of him. hinata had told him that he'd wait for him, right there, like he always did, because kageyama hated changes and surprises and hinata knew that. 

but now he was gone and kageyama's breath was stuck in his throat. he sprinted down the stairs, leaving behind his parents, who were yelling at him to come back. 

he looked everywhere. he went to the forest and their fields and the roof, but hinata was vanished. kageyama was out of breath, still in his nice clothes and drenched in sweat. his whole body trembled, frustration building up, just like that day where he had seen hinata's hair for the first time and couldn't find a nice way to build the tower on his own. he tried to think of all the places, every tiny corner they'd spent their childhood at.

and kageyama realized that he hadn't checked the swings.

hinata looked different.

his hair was dull, way paler than normally and his posture was one of grief. 

kageyama sprinted towards him and tried to reach out for him.

hinata's hands were cold. kageyama tried to get hinata to react, to say anything but he was like a limp doll. kageyama had never been so scared in his life, to loose someone. he shook him, called out his name and couldn't care less if anyone heard him. hinata was more important, hinata was his favorite person.

"hinata!", he yelled and finally, finally the brown eyes looked up at him, bloodshot. kageyama cupped his face, too scared that he might look away again. he traced his cheeks, noting how cold every part of hinata was. his heart was thumping harder than ever before, harder than the night under the stars, harder than ever time hinata had held his hand or looked at him adoringly. "what's wrong?"

hinata's eyes didn't focus on him anymore. they were watching something behind him and as kageyama turned around, he couldn't see a single thing. he turned his attention back to hinata and pressed a kiss to his forehead, something he'd never done before.

"hinata.", he whispered, scared of his own voice, sounding so defeated. "please talk to me."

hinata's eyes moved back to him and suddenly, there was a soft hand in his hair. 

"i'm so lonely, kageyama.", he smiled at him, but there was so much pain and longing, that kageyama nearly looked away. "i feel so lonely." 

and he understood. of course hinata was lonely. this was a big world, full of new things and hinata had ever only seen this city, the same walls every day, the same forest and people. it was boring, he was trapped and even though hinata would never say it, it was kageyama's fault. he'd hurt hinata more than anyone else in his life and kageyama was helpless.

"please tell me what to do.", he whispered against hinata's collarbone, hot tears dripping down his cheeks. he heard a small chuckle and hands tangling through his hair. "i never wanted to hurt you, hinata."

"kageyama.", he called out softly and he looked out, seeing the prettiest and kindest person in the world. "i hurt you too. don't put all the blame on yourself."

that was all it took, for him to break into sobs. they were ugly, full of pain and kageyama couldn't stop once he started, like he couldn't stop being with hinata, since day one. his heart was breaking into small pieces and only then did he realize, how much he loved hinata.

"you'll have to let me go.", hinata whispered into his hair, holding him even though he was the one who deserved to be held. "you've known that for a very long time, haven't you?"

kageyama nodded. he couldn't breathe.

this was the death of his childhood.

letting go was the hardest thing he'd ever have to do.

after that day, hinata didn't come as often anymore. he still passed by and kageyama didn't ask where he'd been. he looked sad and kageyama was the cause for it. 

they were on the roof again, cuddled against each other and kageyama was sure, that this is what seeing a person die must be like. he cherished every moment, second, he had left until he felt ready to leave hinata forever. 

they weren't meant to be, after all. maybe one day, in another life, they'd be normal and stay together til' death. kageyama wished for that, a lot these days.

"i love you.", he whispered into hinata's locks. "i've never loved someone, like you."

hinata didn't say anything. seconds later, kageyama realized that he was sleeping.

he'd found an apartment in tokyo. 

it was nice and cozy and smelled like wood. kageyama liked it a lot and found himself smiling again. 

the forest was calm that day. they didn't say a word, kageyama's nerves getting out of control more and more, with every passing minute. a deer was jumping through the trees and hinata pointed at it, with a childlike nature. there were no people, just the two of them and the last day of summer.

standing in the field, kageyama took in hinata, one last time.

it was probably a miracle, that he'd ended up in his room, all these years ago, even though he belonged somewhere else. a tragedy for hinata, a blessing for kageyama. he should've known better, though.

someone as pretty didn't belong here. kageyama would forever be thankful, that he was allowed to see hinata.

it was weird to know, that this was the end. no more hugs or kisses, no more bickering and fighting and no more pain. after this, kageyama would go home on his own.

“do you remember, when i first tried to ride your bike?”, hinata laughed, lost in memories of old days. “i fell over and you ran up to me. you were so worried, it was cute.” 

“idiot.”, kageyama said, eyebrows furrowing. “you were hurt.”

hinata sighed and let his gaze flicked over the field. there was no sights of it stopping anywhere, seemingly endless. kageyama stood behind him watching the sun go down.

“kageyama.”, he whispered. “you have to promise me, one last thing.”

kageyama swallowed and nodded, voice too thick with tears to talk. 

“you have to live.”, hinata said, looking so incredibly happy, that kageyama felt blinded. “you can’t be sad, just because i’m gone. your life is too precious for that. just don’t forget me.” 

“i will.”, he choked and he had every intention of keeping his word. he would never be able to resist hinata. “i will never forget you.”

“good.”, hinata smiled and suddenly the light in his eyes was back. his figure had been fading in the last weeks and even though kageyama could still touch him, he knew it was all coming to an end. 

“have i ever told you, how pretty you are?”, hinata asked. kageyama shrank to his knees, nothing but a little puddle of love and adoration for someone, that wasn’t meant for him. “you really are pretty, kageyama.” 

“you’re beautiful, though!”, kageyama shouted. a few birds flew away, frightened at the sudden noise. a soft wind was blowing through their hair. “i hate how beautiful you are, i hate everything about you. i hate how much i love you and how much it hurts.”

hinata nodded and took his hands in his. they were finally warm again. if hinata would’ve been born on this earth, it would’ve been in summer, a hot, gorgeous summer’s day. he would’ve made many friends, but there wasn’t a way him and kageyama could be parted. 

“i hate it too.”, he spoke. “i got stuck here and it’s up to you to let me go. i’ll never belong here, kageyama. i can’t live, when no one sees me.”

kageyama nodded, letting out a big, shaky breath and tears were flowing over, his hand reaching for hinata’s.

“i love you.”, he whispered against it and stared into the brown abyss once more. “i’m so happy, that you were always there.”

“i’ll keep being with you”, hinata’s voice was further away now. kageyama saw his face fading and he wanted to scream. “close your eyes, kageyama.”

he was thrown into darkness. animals chirping, the sound of cars, far, far away, footsteps of someone walking away from him and a feeling of loosing something, something that’d never return overcame him.

kageyama had been blessed and cursed, to fall in love with hinata shoyo in this life. 

when he opened them, hinata was gone. 

the roof was cold against his back. a blanket was huddled over him and he held a cup of tea in his hand. the stars weren’t as bright here, like they were home, but it was good enough. 

he heaved a breath. 

“i miss you.”, he said, voice strong, yet broken. “i’ve been trying to figure out, what you were to me. there were so many things we never talked about.”

an ambulance was driving past his street. 

“i’ve been starting to forget some things.”, kageyama whispered, the hand which was holding the cup trembled. “i can’t really remember much of some years. i just know that you were always there.”

he sighed, standing up and walking towards the end of the roof, watching over the city lights. 

“i think you could’ve left way sooner, if i wouldn’t have been so stubborn.”, kageyama mumbled, finally speaking out the thoughts that had haunted him the past year, since hinata had left his life. “i think, that if i would’ve stopped believing in you, you could’ve left. but, i still believe in you today, hinata.”

kageyama was happy, that hinata wasn’t there any longer. it didn’t hurt as much anymore and he finally felt like he started to heal. there were many nice things in life and hinata happened to be the most beautiful. kageyama thought, that it was a bit unfair to give him something so stunning when he didn’t appreciate it enough and take it away again so quickly.

he could breathe again.

he saw the sun rising and looked up to the sky one more time. sometimes he looked for the stars, him and hinata had found that night. some nights he was convinced that he’d found them, but he could never be sure. 

with hinata, he would’ve known.

kageyama moved on and he lived, just like hinata had wanted him to. he lived and many times he thought about hinata, but every time it hurt less. 

kageyama had loved hinata, more than he’d ever love someone again. it was okay, because he knew that the other had felt the same.

somehow, he knew that hinata was still in his soul.

there was no doubt about that.


End file.
